How to Support a Loved One With Incontinence at Home

Oct 7, 2026

The short answer: To support a loved one with incontinence at home, start with a calm, respectful conversation, then get a continence assessment from their GP or a nurse continence specialist, as incontinence can often be treated or managed better. Day to day, a simple toilet routine, easy-to-manage clothing, the right continence products, gentle skin care and a safe path to the toilet can make a big difference. Just as importantly, look after yourself and ask for help when you need it.

Start with a respectful conversation

Incontinence can affect a person's confidence and sense of independence. Many people feel embarrassed and may hide leaks for a long time before saying anything. How you start the conversation matters.

A few things that can help:

•        Choose a private, relaxed moment. Avoid raising it in front of others or straight after an accident.

•        Speak calmly and simply. Use positive, everyday language, such as "bladder leaks" or "wee", rather than words that might feel childish or clinical.

•        Focus on comfort and confidence. For example: "I've noticed you seem worried about getting to the toilet in time. Would it help to talk to the doctor about it?"

•        Let them lead. Involve your loved one in every decision about their care, from seeing the doctor to choosing products.

•        Remind them they are not alone. Incontinence is common, and it is a health condition, not a normal part of ageing. Help is available.

If the first conversation doesn't go well, that's okay. Give it time, and try again.

Get a proper assessment

Incontinence can often be treated or managed better, so the most important step is getting professional help. A GP can check for causes such as a urinary tract infection, constipation or medicines, and may refer your loved one to a nurse continence specialist for a continence assessment.

According to the Better Health Channel, an assessment may cover:

•        medical history and medicines

•        how often they use the toilet and how much they pass

•        leaks of urine or faeces

•        what and how much they eat and drink

•        daily living skills, and whether they recognise the need to go

It may also include a urine test or a bladder scan. The result is a plan that suits your loved one's needs and daily life.

Tip: Before the appointment, jot down how often leaks happen, when they started, the time of day they are worse, and whether it is urine, bowel or both. This helps the doctor get a clear picture.

See a doctor promptly if incontinence starts suddenly, gets worse, or comes with pain, blood or skin problems.

Simple routines that help every day

Build a toilet routine

•        Encourage regular toilet times, and keep daily routines consistent.

•        Allow plenty of time to get to the toilet, and don't rush them once they are there.

Make the toilet easy to reach

•        Keep the path to the toilet clear, and use night lights for safety.

•        Consider handrails or a raised toilet seat.

•        A portable commode or urinal bottle near the bed can reduce the risk of falls at night.

Choose easy clothing

•        Elastic waistbands and velcro fasteners are quicker to manage than zips and buttons.

•        Machine-washable clothing makes accidents easier to deal with.

Support healthy habits

•        Encourage enough fluids through the day, with water as the best choice. A health professional can advise how much is right.

•        Include fibre, such as fruit, vegetables, wholegrains and legumes, to help prevent constipation.

•        Cut back on caffeine, alcohol and sugary drinks if they make symptoms worse.

Plan ahead for outings

•        Pack spare clothes and continence products.

•        Use the National Public Toilet Map to find toilets along the way. Accessible toilets often have extra space if you need to help.

Choosing products together

The right continence product depends on your loved one's mobility, body shape, level of leakage and how much help they need. A nurse continence specialist can recommend the best fit, and you can call the National Continence Helpline on 1800 33 00 66 for advice.

As a general guide:

•        Pull-ons feel like regular underwear and suit people who can stand and use the toilet on their own or with a little help.

•        Slips (tab-style briefs) can be changed while sitting or lying down, which is often easier if you help with changes or mobility is limited.

Read our guide to Pull-Ons vs Slips for more detail.

Tips for changing with dignity

•        Close the door and keep your loved one covered as much as possible.

•        Explain each step before you do it, and let them do as much as they can themselves.

•        Have everything ready before you start: a fresh product, wipes or a washcloth, gloves and a bag for disposal.

•        Protect your back. Raise the bed if you can, and avoid twisting while lifting.

•        If a product leaks, check the fit and size first, then talk to a nurse continence specialist.

•        Never flush pads or gloves. Tie used products in a plastic bag and place them in the rubbish bin.

Hygiene and skin care

Wet or soiled skin can become sore, so a gentle routine after each change is important. The Better Health Channel suggests:

•        wearing disposable gloves when helping with toileting

•        cleaning the skin gently after an accident

•        using a neutral pH soap, then drying the skin well

•        moisturising, and applying a barrier cream if advised

•        changing wet clothing or pads regularly

If a rash doesn't clear up, or the skin looks red, broken or painful, see the GP or a nurse continence specialist.

If your loved one is living with dementia

Dementia can affect a person's ability to recognise the need to go, wait until it is appropriate, find the toilet, recognise it and use it properly. But incontinence in people with dementia can also be caused by treatable conditions, such as an infection, constipation or prostate enlargement, so a doctor's check is still important.

The Better Health Channel, in consultation with Dementia Australia, suggests:

Make the toilet easy to find and recognise

•        Put clear signs on both sides of the toilet door, at eye level.

•        Choose a toilet seat that is a different colour from the floor.

•        Leave the bedroom and toilet doors open, and use a night light or motion sensor light.

Watch for cues and keep it calm

•        Suggest toilet breaks at times that match their usual patterns.

•        Look for signs they need to go, such as pulling at clothes, restlessness or agitation.

•        Use short, simple words and step-by-step instructions, and don't rush them.

•        If they are restless on the toilet, let them get up and sit down again. Music or something to hold may help them settle.

Help with drinking

•        Dementia can make people forget to drink or not notice they are thirsty. Gentle reminders through the day can help.

•        Reduce drinks before bedtime.

For more support, call the National Dementia Helpline on 1800 100 500, available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Looking after yourself, and getting help

Supporting someone with incontinence can be rewarding, but it can also be tiring. Incontinence can affect the emotional wellbeing of the person living with it and the people who support them. Looking after yourself helps you keep going with patience and compassion.

•        Take breaks. Make time for friends and the things you enjoy.

•        Ask for help. Share tasks with family, or look into support services and respite.

•        Talk to someone. A friend, a support group or your GP can help on harder days.

•        Protect your back. Use safe lifting techniques, and ask a health professional about equipment that can help.

Where to get support

•        National Continence Helpline: 1800 33 00 66 (free and confidential advice from nurse continence specialists)

•        Carer Gateway: 1800 422 737 (free Australian Government services and support)

•        Carers Australia: 1800 242 636

•        National Dementia Helpline: 1800 100 500

•        My Aged Care: 1800 200 422

Help with the cost of products

Your loved one may be eligible for help paying for continence products through:

•        the NDIS, if their incontinence is related to their disability

•        Support at Home (formerly Home Care Packages), through their aged care provider

•        the Continence Aids Payment Scheme (CAPS), for eligible people with permanent and severe incontinence who are not on Support at Home or receiving NDIS continence funding

Read our guides to NDIS funding, Support at Home and CAPS to learn more.

How Caringly can help

Caringly was founded by frontline healthcare professionals who believe everyone deserves to feel like themselves again. Our Supreme Pull-Ons and Supreme Slips are designed for comfort and dignity, with tested absorbency and a unisex design.

We deliver straight to the door in discreet packaging, with free shipping on orders over $49, so you have one less thing to carry home. Your first order of Pull-Ons or Slips is covered by our 60-Day Fit or Return Promise, so you can find the right fit for your loved one without the worry.

Caringly is also a registered NDIS provider, and we can invoice your loved one's aged care provider if they are on Support at Home. Need help choosing? Call us on 1300 002 439 or email support@caringly.com.au.

Frequently asked questions

How do I talk to a parent about incontinence?

Choose a private, relaxed moment and speak calmly. Focus on their comfort and confidence, use simple everyday words, and let them lead decisions. Remind them it is common, it is a health condition and help is available.

Is incontinence a normal part of ageing?

No. Incontinence is more common as people get older, but it is a health condition, not a normal part of ageing. It can often be treated or managed better with the right help.

What should I do first if a loved one has incontinence?

Encourage them to see their GP. The doctor can check for treatable causes, such as a urinary tract infection or constipation, and may refer them to a nurse continence specialist for an assessment.

How can I protect my loved one's skin?

Clean the skin gently after each accident, use a neutral pH soap, dry well and change wet products regularly. A barrier cream may be advised. See the GP if a rash doesn't clear up.

What clothing is best for someone with incontinence?

Clothing with elastic waistbands or velcro fasteners is easier to manage than zips and buttons. Machine-washable clothing makes accidents easier to deal with.

How can I help someone with dementia and incontinence?

Make the toilet easy to find with signs and contrasting colours, suggest regular toilet breaks, watch for cues such as restlessness, and use short, simple instructions. A doctor's check is important, as treatable causes are common.

Where can I get support?

Call the National Continence Helpline on 1800 33 00 66 for free advice from nurse continence specialists. Carer Gateway (1800 422 737) offers free government services and support.

Disclaimer

The information in this article is general in nature and is provided for educational purposes only. It is not medical advice and is not a substitute for advice from a qualified health professional who knows your loved one's circumstances. Incontinence can have many causes, some of which need medical assessment and treatment. See a doctor promptly if incontinence starts suddenly, gets worse, or comes with pain, blood, fever, increased confusion or skin problems. Caringly does not diagnose or treat any medical condition.

Sources

•        Better Health Channel (Victorian Department of Health). Incontinence: tips for carers.

•        Better Health Channel (Victorian Department of Health). Continence and dementia.

•        Continence Health Australia. Practical support for carers.

•        Continence Health Australia. Continence products and aids.